How not to drown in a drop of spilled milk

"Every day is a new beginning. If you have failed... GIVE UP. And start again!"

 As we go through life, learn, gain experience, we get to know the world and ourselves, our possibilities and limits. Some experiences, life events infuse energy into our veins. We speak of them as moments of happiness or success. Other moments in life are painful, we experience loss, failure, disappointment. And often in such moments we utter incantatory formulas: "I don't want to experience that again, I won't let that happen". We are ashamed of our mistakes, errors and often hide them. Perhaps because the pain was too great. Perhaps because the more painful was the ridicule of those around us. Perhaps because we can't accept that it's just an opportunity to learn, to grow.

"When I was eighteen (exactly one day before my eighteenth birthday) I got my driver's license. Suddenly I felt so grown up, I felt proud of myself. Now I could drive a car by myself! My dad's, for now. The feeling of driving alone to a county town was priceless. Shortly after that, I crashed. It was raining that day, and in my memory, it was pouring. A truck came at me. I was scared. I jerked the steering wheel left, then right, and I was spinning. Something was driving my life. I can still feel the impact and see the earth rushing through the front window. Suddenly it's quiet, calm. Just my heart pounding and one thought in my head: get the car back on the road fast. When I come out of shock, I'm wrestling the car out of the ditch with my hands. I realized what a waste of effort it was. It was necessary to face what I had done. At this point I knew quite clearly that I had to get behind the wheel right away or my driving career was just over..."

I am reminded of this story every time something other than good and wonderful things happen in my life. It shows me how to deal with the moments when I "stumble" in life so that I don't "drown in a drop of spilled milk".

Drowning in a drop of spilled milk

Our life, success - failure, happiness - unhappiness depends to a large extent on what we think, what we feel and what we say about our life, ourselves (often unconsciously). We acquire many of these beliefs in our family of origin, and many of the beliefs we form ourselves through our experiences. Listen, coaches, really listen to what other people are telling you about themselves and their lives. Listen to what they believe, what upsets them, what they sympathize with, what they can't figure out.

A manager doesn't make mistakes

Take, for example, the firm belief that "making mistakes in adulthood is a disgrace". Is this a life-enhancing or life-limiting belief? Silly question. It's obvious. With this truth of life in mind, we will fight tooth and nail against novelty, experimentation wherever the mistakes of the beginner will be judged, ridiculed and criticized. So in other words, "Why do we believe this to be true?" Maybe we believe it because we have our own experience with it. Maybe we believe the experts, the media, and the statistics that say that one out of every three out of ten adults... Maybe we are convinced by people important to our lives and we don't really know why, we've never really thought about it ourselves. Whatever the reason, this belief is part of who we are.

Roman, for example, is afraid to speak in public, to stand out from the crowd. He is considered a very capable IT professional with creative ideas, but he is afraid to communicate and promote them. Why? It's not a human trait, because we all have it. Roman remembers being a talkative child as a child. He became shy at school. He recalled experiences of saying something and the whole class talking at his "expense". "I can still hear the laughter when I have to say anything in front of everyone. My throat tightens, I blush and nothing comes out," Roman says.

Experiences that happened many years ago still influence our lives today, often significantly. When we begin to see how much power they have over us, we can create different, empowering ways of thinking, feeling and acting.

Throw the ball in the air

Roman has long defended his reluctance to come forward with his ideas, opinions and innovations. The decisive moment was the opportunity to become the leader of the innovation project. This would mean not only more space for Roman to self-actualise, but also to access programmes that interest him. Roman was faced with a decision. Either I keep my belief "I am shy and talking in front of others is a problem, they will ridicule me" or I start working with it to get an interesting opportunity. He chose the second option and "threw the ball in the air..."

But this often means going through the "hell" of uncertainty and coping with the different reactions of the environment. And above all, it means not turning these reactions against yourself, your growth. Whatever we want to change, whatever we want to learn, we cannot succeed unless we try. If we want to learn to juggle, we have to throw the ball in the air. Then we can move on. But such a ball knows nothing of our ambitions. It may fall to the ground. One thing is certain, the ball will always land somewhere. Our senses see, hear, feel .... Our brains consciously and unconsciously evaluate each attempt: how much energy did we put into the throw, how calm and focused were we, what was our posture, our breathing? It compares our current performance with our ultimate goal. It evaluates. It corrects.

"GOOD NEWS AT THE END: Whether the goal is formulated as something "I want" or something "I don't want," the healthy core in us will want to succeed every time."

This article was published with the kind permission of of the magazine Sphere

DIOCHI

casopis-sfera.cz / gnews.cz-HeK