Sibling rivalry is not just "child's play" – it's a natural, deeply ingrained reaction to a major change in the family dynamic, which modern parents often overlook. In today's nuclear families, where one mother and one working father bear most of the burden, the arrival of a younger sibling can feel like a profound betrayal to the older child. Psychologist Mgr. Milan Studnička offers an uncompromising and insightful analysis of why older siblings may secretly harbor resentment towards their younger brothers or sisters – and how parents can transform conflict into a bond of mutual affection.
Milan Studnička explains the basic sibling dynamic with remarkable clarity: "A three-year-old child has had his mother all to himself for his entire life. Suddenly, this 'black sheep' enters the family and steals his mother away. For the child, it is a shocking experience, and we are not even aware of it." In the past, entire villages and extended families cared for children, which mitigated competition. Today's isolation, on the other hand, exacerbates it. The older child perceives the newcomer as a direct threat to parental attention, love, and resources. It is not maliciousness – it is an instinct for survival.
What is the solution? Stop acting like judges and become mediators. "Don't make the older child the 'bad guy'... try to understand what is happening, and don't be a judge, but a mediator," Studnička urges. Parents should focus on fostering understanding between siblings rather than assigning blame. Practical solutions include involving grandparents, aunts, or uncles as "helping hands" to reduce the sense of competition in the older child, and intentionally setting aside time for each child individually: "It is extremely important for the family to spend one weekend with one child, then another weekend with the other..."
Excessive praise for even the smallest achievements fuels another hidden problem. Constant reassurance such as "You are perfect, you are the best, you are number one" teaches children that their worth depends on success. When failure occurs – and it will occur – the child collapses: "I am good when I succeed today... I am bad because I fail." Studnička warns that this creates perfectionists who are paralyzed by fear of criticism, while average individuals often fare better emotionally.
Punishments also have the opposite effect. Arbitrary punishments ("two weeks without PlayStation because you hit your sister") breed resentment and teach nothing. Instead, use natural consequences: "If a child spills rice, we will not play together until it is cleaned up." This directly links behavior to consequences and builds responsibility without making the child feel like a victim.
Reliance on screens and constant gift-giving provide "extremely cheap dopamine for free," which triggers a desire for instant gratification in children and leads to explosive reactions when any restrictions are imposed. Studnička recommends a detoxification period, clear rules, and replacing electronic devices with books and wooden toys. He also warns against overscheduled activities or pressure on young athletes – in countries like Norway, "no competitions are counted until the age of 12" – so that children do not burn out and come to hate the activity.
Ultimately, this energetic message is encouraging: rivalry is normal, but isolation and poor strategies make it toxic. Through mediation, balanced attention, natural consequences, and moderate praise, parents can raise resilient siblings who are close to each other and thrive together. A harsh truth? Today's parents must consciously recreate the "village" that their children need.
gnews.cz – GH
You can watch the entire video (in Czech) here: