Proč?

To be myself.

So I don't betray myself.

So that I don't "do good" by forgetting myself.

So I don't try to please others.

We are all still learning in life. To understand others, to understand ourselves. Helping others, helping ourselves. To treat others in a spirit of love and mutual understanding. Interpersonal relationships are complex, and sometimes we spend a lifetime learning how to navigate them. And even at the end of our days, we may not be sure we've got it right.

One of the important "disciplines" in interpersonal relationships is the art of saying "no". When I don't want something, when I refuse something, when others don't treat me well, I should be able to clearly express my disapproval. Therefore, there are more reasons and one is more compelling than the other.

Of course, I'm talking about "no" in everyday life, when it's not a life-limiting situation, saving a life, lending a helping hand. Although that is also debatable, there are certainly some boundaries there too.

You know, many of us think we can be clear and articulate on this. They just say "no" and that's it. But it's not that simple. There's no "no" like "no". What matters is the emotion with which it is said. What accompanies it, so to speak. And what the person feels after saying it.

And here I am at the heart of the problem. A spoken refusal should never be communicated:
• s pocitem viny
• se strachem
• z pomsty

Feelings of guilt lead to others feeling that you are not worthy of rejection, that you are actually questioning yourself, and others will subsequently treat you accordingly.
The fear that if I refuse, they won't like me, they will be angry with me, leads to aggressive behaviour, and an aggressive "no" is not accepted by those around me. On the contrary, it leads to condemnation of the person concerned.
Revenge is a completely wrong attitude that will again provoke a negative reaction and never lead to acceptance.

So what would be the right "no"?
- calm, assertive but firm
- loving to self and others (this is the opposite of revenge)
• bez pocitu viny
• beze strachu

Believe that only such a "no" has a chance of being accepted. Everyone has the right to be themselves. Everyone has the right to refuse situations that do not suit them or that bring them pain.

This article was published with the kind permission of časopisu Sféra

DIOCHI

casopis-sfera.cz / gnews.cz-HeK