The habits we repeatedly use are getting stronger. They work like muscles in the body. It's not a matter of stopping using and exercising the "muscles" overused, that is often unrealistic.
Remember the burned-out Silva from Part 1? It's not about Silva stopping working, caring, doing business... It's about learning to engage "muscles" that aren't engaged. We start by paying attention to them. In this case, Silva is learning to relax and pay attention to her body, the signals it sends. At the same time, it teaches others to take care of themselves. She also manifests her weakness, fatigue, exhaustion, helplessness. It's not easy for her, but it's healthy.
How do we know when we need to update our habits?
Simple. Our dissatisfaction, grumbling, health symptoms (fatigue, insomnia, headache, back pain...) give us a clear message: 'change something'. As a rule, we ignore them or, as with the computer, we click on the instruction "later". And the symptoms grow stronger over time. How else would we know that we need to learn something new. Our bodies change, the conditions around us change, and we need to update our beliefs, to explore even the forbidden ones.
How do you do that?
Often we tend to look into why this is so. We go back to the past, "I've always been able to handle it, what happened to make me so exhausted now"? We analyze. That's one possibility. Often time consuming. And sometimes we drown in it.
Another way is to be aware of the way we do it today. In fact, to realize which of our "muscles" are overworked and which are not engaged. And then we just train, we train the flabby "muscle" to get stronger. Simple, right?
There's a little trap. Impatience. We give up "exercising" before the flaccid muscle gets stronger. We get angry at ourselves for going slow, for making mistakes, for .... and so we often revert to the original way. Why? It is more comfortable. That by this decision we deprive ourselves of success, happiness, satisfaction or even health in the future we do not see...
The last point was also crucial in Silvia's story. She overlooked the "update" information for a long time. She couldn't have done it without the support of her husband and children. She overcame her fear of their reaction. She was afraid to tell them how she really felt and how much she needed to take away some of the responsibilities she had willingly and willingly placed on herself. Her biggest fear was whether they would respect her if she no longer provided such a service for them. Would she be a good mother, a good partner? She had very high regard for those she loved. And to herself? She wasn't so generous there.
Four basic prerequisites for successful self-actualization
- New habits take time. Not much, but still.
- If the habit is very strong (like Silvia's), start with the first small step.
- A new habit needs support. Appreciate that you are going. Even a little.
- Don't be alone in this. It is helpful to have someone by your side to support you in your efforts no matter what. To remind you and not let the new habit sink in. A supportive, attentive and disinterested friend is essential. Why? The existing system will fight tooth and nail against the "stranger".
When we want to strengthen a habit, all we really need to do is pay attention to it and be kind and appreciative. It's like the people we want in our lives. The ones we're oblivious to, they go away over time.
www.alenajachimova.cz
The continuation of this article can be found here: When we are controlled by "outdated programs" of the mind, we see the world as we are, not as it is... (published August 15, 2025 at www.gnews.cz)
This article was published with the kind permission of of the magazine Sphere
casopis-sfera.cz / gnews.cz-HeK
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